The Down Side of Hunting

According to my husband, the downside of hunting is...when it's over. Hunting for him is all about scouting out where the best animals are, finding the best camping spot, getting the guns and ammo ready, sharpening his skills and preparing everything. Elk hunting season starts the very last week of September, first of October. So preparation begins the day after the hunt is over for the next year. There is no resting, no waiting. It's a continual thing, even after the animals are harvested. CONTINUAL.

So is it really any surprise that after finding out my favorite hunter might have a terminal primary brain tumor, that hunting became even more of a priority? It sure as heck surprised the crap out of me. Hunting is NOT my idea of good time. I don't like anything about it really. I have learned to tolerate it, because my husband LOVES it. To save my marriage and my sanity, I have had to learn to actually appreciate some things about hunting and how it actually improves my life.

But the hunting Scott loves, and the hunting I must do now are not the same thing, I know. There are similarities that I find extremely fascinating, which is why I thought I would share my insights here, especially about scouting.

Scouting
This is all about preparing. You have to be extremely quiet and deliberate. It is something that, to most hunters, comes naturally. While scouting, you're watching, waiting, and anticipating where the animals are and how they move. You have to stay down wind so as not to spook them off. You also need the right equipment and gear  to do all of this, which amounts to good binoculars, a bag of trail and a full Camelpak. Oh...and  possibly a camera to document the monster bull or buck that has crossed your path out of season. And let's not forget GPS to mark your exact coordinates, so you can easily return to that same spot again.

Right now, all that seems very hard. Not something I would look forward to. It's a lot of WORK. I know work can be fun, enjoyable and extremely rewarding. It can also be daunting, exhausting and unfulfilled. Especially if you don't get out of it what you think you're putting in.

Over the last month and a half, while on this scouting mission for answers and clues about what we are up against and how we are going to face it, I have had encounters with the kind of hope we've been searching for. Not the trophy bull to put up for all to see, but the signs are clear and present that the big one is here.

We didn't think we prepared for this, at all. But we have. Our faith, our families, our individual and collective life experiences have all gone a long way to prepare us for what we are doing here. Being prepared isn't always about having a grand apocalyptic plan that's been rehearsed over and over and cemented into memory for when the fateful day finally arrives. Being prepared is more about the trillions of baby steps we take along our journeys and feeling the range of emotions that comes with each one of those events, so that when we come to that place again, we recognize it and know better what to do with it this time. 

While hunting for hope, during  scouting missions, you MUST...and I repeat MUST, be extremely quiet and deliberate in your search. Hope will allude you. It will vanish in thin air and seem to be gone forever. Just the way animals in the woods jump up and run off when spooked.

It's often in quiet moments when I can hear, see and feel more clearly. It's in those very quiet moments, usually when I'm by myself,  I can get a sense something else is there. We need to learn to recognize signs that it exists and is here for us whenever we need it.

When a hunter is out in the woods, he notices the rub on a tree, the trails made, the soft grass laying down in a shaded area, the scat and what's in it...all these things and more tell the hunter what he is looking for has been here recently. Yep. Especially scat. We may have to sift through some pretty tough crap to find what we're looking for. This is a reality we cannot escape.

Sometimes it's a matter of waiting, just out of sight and down wind of course, for the animal to come back. It's the same with hope. You simply cannot reasonably expect to be wandering around and just wish for it to come to you. Can this happen? Sure. There are plenty of luck stories out there. But successful hunters don't depend on luck. You must become familiar with it. You must search for it, study where it lives, how it develops, and understand where to find it when it's needed.

The most successful hunter's know everything there is to know about the animals they seek. They know what they eat, where they sleep, and how they breed. Hunters know how animals use their senses and they in turn use all of theirs to try and capture them. Hunters know what an animal sounds like, what they smell like, what they feel and taste like. Hunters learn to recognize the kind of imprint an animal leaves behind.

How this Applies to Hope

I have had to ask myself if I know what hope feels like. Do I have an understanding of where to find it? What will I do with it if I find it? Do I recognize what kind of imprint Hope leaves behind? Am I prepared to do what is necessary to search and wait for it to come? And will I know it when I see the signs that hope is there, just around the corner?

I've done a lot of soul searching. I know hope. I have felt it before, seen it in my actions and the actions and thoughts of others. I have actually tasted it, heard what it sounds like and know what it feels like when I have it. I know that what hope leaves behind is a promise of something else to come.

I don't yet know if I am prepared to do what I have to do to continually find hope. It is something that's always there, but just like animals....it is found in different places. One thing about hope I do know for sure, is that it can always, and I mean always, be found. You just have to get to know it first. Be open to the idea that it does exist. Be willing to do your part to recognize it. Take whatever bit of evidence of it you can find right now and hold on to that until you can find more. Be willing to give into the idea that you do not control it. You do have to want it. You have to need it, in order for it to meet your expectations and sustain you through whatever life brings.

Hope is a verb. It's an action word. It is something you have to DO...or something that is done for you. Hope is also a noun. It's also a thing that Merriam-Webster's defines as:

•  the feeling of wanting something to happen and thinking that it could happen 
• a feeling that something good will happen or be true

• the chance that something good will happen

•  someone or something that may be able to provide help 

• someone or something that gives you a reason for hoping

Trust and reliance are to words synonymous with Hope. Trust you will find what you're searching for and rely on it for strength once you've found it. 

I now have some clues, as to where I can find hope anytime I it's needed. This doesn't only work when facing the possibility of a terminal brain tumor. Hope can be found by anyone, anywhere. You just have to be willing to put aside your disdain for hunting, and the things related to how much time and effort it takes, put on your gear, and look around.

Hope can be an action. It can be a feeling , a chance or a wish. It could also be something, or someone in your life able to provide help for the thing you cannot do for yourself right now.

In all it's forms, Hope is there for all of us. We just have to be willing to deliberately, quietly and purposefully seek it out and let it in. And once we have, we need to then be like my favorite hunter, who excitingly begins making preparations for the next hunting trip. Remember, it's continual. CONTINUAL. And you LOVE it. Can't live without it...

I don't know if everything is going to be the way I want it to be. None of us knows that, ever. But right now, I can hope. I'm trusting there is hope in all the things we are doing now and relying on it for strength to get me through to Friday. It's coming fast.