Giving

In the beginning of our journey, we had a very dear friend set up a "Go Fund Me" account to raise some money on our behalf for medical expenses that may arise due to Scott's diagnosis and treatment. We had a few extremely generous friends and family donate to us. Through these gifts, we were able to pay a couple of the unexpected medical bills we began accumulating, which our insurance didn't cover. We are so grateful for the help we received. 

We did have a few people wonder why others were trying to raise money for us. "You don't need that!" "It's shameful that you would let people give you money like that, when you don't need it." These are just a few of the things we heard from disapproving family members.  After 10 months of living in this situation, I'd like to offer my perspective on the idea that people who make money, or have money or other material things, don't need generosity when facing hard times.

We make a living. We work for everything we have. We are good people.  This should not exclude us from graciously receiving monetary gifts others want to offer. We should not be ashamed to take money or any other gift from those who want to give to us. Money is often the only thing people can think of to do to help in a situation like ours. People can't come and take away the pain of what we are living with. They can't bring enough baked goods and casseroles to make up for the loss we are enduring. So they offer money to help ease the burden. Not because they have to, or because we asked them to, but because they want to.

What would it say about us, if we refused their gift? We are too proud? Too good for your money? We don't need your help?

Who are we to deny another the blessing of helping someone in need? Who am I turn away someones good deed? It's interesting to me how many people think it is selfish to take money from others and yet this is the number one method of giving in our country. We've heard some harsh judgement, though truly not many people gave money.  But the ones who did, were extremely generous and I cannot express how much it means to us to have people willing to do that for us, especially since we "clearly don't need it."

Why is it that we are seen as "shameful" for receiving gifts that help ease a burden we didn't cause? Have you seen the cost of neurosurgery? Radiation and chemo? Every MRI not covered by our insurance, we have to pay for. That's $3200.00....every time. We've had 5 so far. Only 2 were covered. The medication without insurance is $900 per month. I don't know many people who can take financial hits like that and not have to file bankruptcy or rack up credit cards or take out loans and second mortgages,  to keep a float. Our own government needed a bail out when the housing market crashed, and they make trillions of dollars a year.

Is it just me? Or is something really, really off here?

I'm glad to say I am not too proud to receive help when it's offered to me. I'm not too proud to ask for help when I need it. This is the single biggest hurdle I see people struggle with in life; not being willing to ask for help or accept it when needed or offered.

It's a lie to think you have to do everything on your own. Self reliance does not mean never needing anything from anyone else. It's a lie to believe that it makes you weak to accept help. If this is true, then every career or job, dedicated to the service of others, from social and human services to pizza delivery should be banned.

If we are not to accept what others give of themselves, to help ease burdens, why does every sappy love song, story, movie, or book tell us this is the thing to do? It's a lie to think that we are not worth any sacrifice another would make for us, monetary or otherwise, even if we don't ask for it, no matter how great or small that sacrifice is. Charity is pure love, plain and simple. Without it, none of us would be here right now.

Remember... you were fed before you could feed yourself. You were held before you could walk.

Someone changed you, kept you warm, and kept you from dying, probably repeatedly before you got to where you are now. You required help because you were vulnerable, unable to do things for yourself, and needed guidance and care to learn how to do more for yourself. But no one thought of you as less than for needing them.

In fact, you needing them probably brought more purpose, more meaning, and  more fulfillment to their lives than they ever had before. We forget as we grow, and somehow think we deserve less love as we age. Aging does not require us to be less human or less open to giving and receiving.

It's actually quite the opposite.

Why is our collective expectation that people who receive charity, should only be poor, desperate, or without a way to do for themselves? Love is for everyone, regardless of who or what they are. The worth of souls is great, and none are any more worthy or deserving than others. "Man was created equal, endowed by a creator with certain inalienable rights."

Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Dali Lama, Abraham Lincoln and every other religious and non religious humanitarian in history, have shown us this is true. Every human on Earth deserves life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, regardless of whether or not they can accomplish this completely on their own.

A lot of people ask how we are "getting along without Scott's job?" We did lose our medical insurance once Scott lost his job. Fortunately, we are able to afford to pay for our own coverage through the marketplace and did not go without insurance for too long. We would not be able to do this without the huge fortune of founding a successful non-profit business 9 months before Scott was first diagnosed. Scott has a new career as full time Dad, which without his support and abilities I would not be able to do all that I need to do to run this flourishing business. He also gets to pursue his Gunsmith passion. He's doing things he absolutely loves to do and making up for lost time with his family, which is invaluable. 

We are not destitute physically, emotionally or spiritually. We are not in need of food, clothing or shelter. We are continuing to make a living by the sole grace and will of God. And I thank Him every day for all we have.  We have been so blessed to be in business for ourselves at this time, and have it grow to something sustainable in our greatest time of need. But I would give it all up to not have to be facing what we are facing. I would live in the street, without anything to my name at all, to have my family whole and healthy in this life. I would give everything  in a heartbeat, no question... if I could make a trade and take this away from Scott and from us.

We can hope there will someday soon be a cure for primary brain tumors. But until then, we will live with the one we have, and do the best we can to continue to live well.

For anyone thinking of giving, or who have wanted to do something, but don't know what, we would ask you to please consider giving to the American Brain Tumor Association in honor of Scott and this fight.

All donations made on the website go directly to the ABTA toward brain tumor research, clinical studies, and medication development to help find a cure for this devastating disease. There is so much yet to be learned about this disease because today, there is no cure. Through donating to research and clinical trials, we can help to prepare a way for others to find hope and the possibility of not going through what we are going through now.

And the gift of hope is priceless and was the first gift of Christmas.

We know money doesn't buy love or happiness, or cure cancer.  But it can change lives. We are living proof of that. We've had the fortune of learning from others how to not only give, but to receive. Our greatest gift, was given long before we ever got to this point. Christians all over the globe, are celebrating this time of year, when that first gift was given. It was not money, nor did it have anything to do with it. It was unconditional love. Regardless of religious beliefs, attitudes, and cultures...everyone deserves that gift.

People have a way of monetizing things in this world. But I honestly think we can't damn the idea when people don't know what else to offer.  It's the spirit of the gift and not that it was money, that matters most. With the most genuine gratitude,  I can honestly say, thank you to all who have thought enough of us, to try and help in anyway you can! We are so deeply touched by all of your kindness, whether monetary, spoken, written, or thought. We know we are loved. And that's all that matters. 

It is with a very grateful heart and the pure love of Christ that we wish all A Very Merry Christmas! The very idea of this season is hope. We want to keep that alive, all year....everyday.

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