I made my way down the hall and we had a few bites to eat. I was glad for the moments of normalcy we shared, talking, laughing and remembering all the moments that stood out to us from the previous day. I was grateful to have her there with me. I was hopeful that we would finally have some answers and know what we are doing. Something would begin today.
We had two choices. The doctor told us clearly when we first met with him, that there was a chance this mass was not what it appeared to be. He said again, on the phone just before we left for vacation, that it would not hurt his feelings to have to cancel this surgery. Remember... there was this slight chance that the mass was something else other than an anaplastic glioblastoma and the way the doctor would know what he was likely dealing with would come after waiting some time and having another scan to compare to the first.
We were praying for anything but glioblastoma. No one should pray to have encephalitis or a brain infection, but we did that. No one should pray to have a brain tumor that wouldn't grow. We did that. No one should have to pray for a miracle..but we did that too. We literally prayed and prayed and prayed. We said one last prayer before leaving for the hospital just before 7 am. We all felt a sense of peace and knew we had no more time. We had to go.
We found our way to AIP. Anshutz (the name of the hospital which in German means protection) Inpatient Patient check in. Scott was number 22. They took his advance directive that we brought, along with all his insurance information and a copy of his driver's license.
His mom and step-dad had made the long trip from Salmon Idaho, to be there in support of Scott and were eagerly awaiting results with the rest of us. The called Scott back, and the 4 of us had to stay in the waiting room with only a color coded monitor to keep us informed of his progression.
After about 30 minutes, a nurse came out and called my name. I thought, "There must be someone named Tammy her having surgery today too." Then she called out again. I got and went to her and she asked me if I was here for Scott. "Yes."
She said that two us could go back. So I asked Scott's mom if she would like to come back with me and we went to where they had Scott hiding out. He was getting an I.V. placed and had already changed into the hospital gown. He looked miserable. He didn't want to be there at all. I could see the fear on his face and the disappointment of having to be here all over again. I hugged him, kissed his forehead and whispered in his ear. "You want me to break you outta here?" "YES!" Came his fervent reply. "I want to just go home, but i known I can't."
They started prepping him for a CT scan and I was a bit confused. The doctor said they would take another MRI before deciding on surgery, not a CT. SO I spoke up and began asking questions and insisting they do what they said they were going to do, and not change it up last minute. A call went to the neurosurgeon, who was doing another procedure in the O.R. at the time. When he was able to call back, the nurse came to explain why the change was made and helped reassure us that the doctor had made the decision, and he was sure that what he needed would be see on CT, just as well as MRI. Then she followed up with, "Dr. Lilliehei will come and talk to you as soon as he is done in the O.R. Nothing will be decided until you talk to him personally."
I did feel a bit of relief knowing that we trusted this surgeon and knew he had our best interest in mind. He did have a way of making us feel that he would not lead us astray. Then all the staff began arriving, informing of the process and getting consent for this treatment and that. No one else, but Scott and I knew seemed to know at all that there was a possibility that surgery would be cancelled today. Every time we said it to someone, they looked at us like we has three heads. The resident, who came to prep Scott for the CT, said to other staff members that the surgery would in fact be taking place, as if we did not know what we were talking about at all.
I am purposely leaving out the negative things I have to say about certain staff and how they reacted to us. They obviously had some lessons to learn and my hope is they were aware enough, that they were the students and not the teacher on this one.
By 10:40am, just 3 hours and 40 minutes after our arrival, Dr. Lilliehei came back and said, with a huge smile on his face, that this was not the type of tumor he initially thought it was. There appears to be calcium in the mass. This gave the doctor more information than he had before. Calcium takes a long time to form. This is apparently a huge clue that this tumor has been there for quite some time.
He then, with as much enthusiasm as I have ever seen in from a doctor, said the words that I will never forget. "We are cancelling for today."
Tears began streaming down my face. This time, not for fear or worry...not the hot, bitter tears that have stung my face so often in the last two months, but sweet tears of pure joy! They were cancelling!!!! Every part of my being wanted to jump up and down, and scream out, "Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!"
There was more information and discussion to be had and it needed my attention. I could have left at that moment. But we needed more instructions and a follow up scheduled with MRI. We still didn't have all the answers we need, but the only one that mattered to me was that game changer of, "This is a glioma, but not an aggressive tumor. It's been there awhile and doesn't appear to be malignant."
The sense of relief washed over us like a clean hot shower. I couldn't contain my emotion. I was clapped my hands, and gave a fist in the air to "Hell yes!" We don't have to face the worst possible outcome yet!"
It felt like victory. I knew it, Scott knew and the good doctor knew it. In fact, it seemed that, Scott his other, me and the doctor were the only people in that room who though this was a good thing.
The look on the faces of the staff were priceless. One nurse could not hold back his utter disappointment. He looked like someone had just stolen his favorite pair of shoes. Scott piped up and told the young man, "He dude, this is a really good thing!" As they all began to leave, the doctor came to me and asked if I was alright. He opened his arms to hug me, this time I hugged him so tight and said, "Thank you so much!"
Hugged all three of us and said that his assistant would follow up to let know when the MRI would be scheduled for next week and we would go from there.
We were free to go. Scott was going home and not having to stay. He was freed from a sure death sentence and literally..in every single sense of the word given a second chance at life. Not the life he thought he had before. But a new life that is full of hope and possibilities. I was able to take him out of there and home to his precious family.
All that day, we celebrated the fact that we weren't at the hospital. We surprised the kids at home and gave them all the good news, all at once. Today, is a new day. Today, there is a new Scott.
He woke up singing, "Stayin Alive, Stayin Alive...ah ah ah ah STAYIN ALIVE!" It still makes me laugh. I am usually the one putting lyrics of pop music to every life situation. I have them in my head and at any given moment can break out in song to put a theme on it. But today, it was him doing that. Ahhh... I have rubbed off on him! Finally :) He sees things differently than he did before. There is much more to come, but today we have found HOPE!
Today, hope was harvested. We felt, saw, heard and experienced it. Hope came in the form of a highly skilled neurosurgeon and all the people that have made sacrifices on our behalf both large and small. It came in the form of being able to go home to our children and deliver the news that Dad would be alright!
This is today. We are celebrating. We are hopeful. But we know this for a moment. We will have to continue to hunt for more hope again tomorrow. And it's okay. There is more to be found.
On our way home from Denver, we stopped at Cabela's. Conveniently, we had to stop and use a restroom and this one was right off the freeway. What better place to take a hunter than this??? We used the restroom and wandered the store and I came upon a sign.
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